Google Reveals What “How To” Info We Want

Because of Google’s methods popularity and/or importance are finally accurately quantified. It seems so wrong to take emotional concepts like important and popular and make them the output of a series of mathematical equations, but that’s exactly what happens!

In 1999’s Bowfinger Steve Martin knew how importance was defined.

“See that FedEx truck? Every day it delivers important papers to people all over the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we – and by we, I mean me – will be important. “

The paradigm has shifted. Our new arbiter is Google&#185.

Because of Google’s methods popularity and/or importance are finally accurately quantified. It seems so wrong to take emotional concepts like important and popular and make them the output of a series of mathematical equations, but that’s exactly what happens!

google-on-how-to.jpgMy ‘aha’ moment came earlier this evening. I was trying to learn how to scoop data from an online database and massage it to produce a webpage. Actually what I wanted to do was unimportant because I only got as far as typing in “how to.”

Google was now working ahead of me, anticipating what I might type next. It unfurled a list of the most popular “how to” questions.

  • how to tie a tie.
  • how to kiss
  • how to get pregnant
  • how to lose weight fast
  • how to cook a turkey
  • how to solve a rubix cube
  • how to make a website
  • how to download youtube videos
  • how to write a resume
  • how to lose weight

I am surprised tying a tie has reached this level. Look a the competition it’s knocked off. Maybe I’m jaded because I tie one every day (Double Windsor knot), but I didn’t think there was this level of demand.

Considering “how to lose weight” appears in two different forms (normal and panicky) it probably belongs higher on the list.

Cooking a turkey and solving a rubix are both surprising entries, but just barely.

I’m not sure what’s more surprising–that there’s nothing truly weird or that the list is really so pedestrian.

Is this all we really want to know “how to” do? Can’t we get a little more creative?

&#185 – I know Google is the authority because if you enter “Geoff,” I’m the sixth result. On Bing I didn’t show up in the first six pages of results. Yahoo! doesn’t list me through ten pages.

Christmas At The Movies: It’s Complicated

Trust me, the Chinese restaurant might as well have hung a sign on the door saying “Se Habla Yiddish.”

its_complicated_poster.jpgThe Fox Family is living an ethnic stereotype, right? It’s Christmas so we went to the movies then ate Chinese food before I went off to work. Trust me, the Chinese restaurant might as well have hung a sign on the door saying “Se Habla Yiddish.”

I wanted to see the George Clooney movie. Stef and Helaine wanted Meryl Streep’s “It’s Complicated.” Two against one. Outvoted again.

They made a great choice.

This was not a complex story in spite of the movie’s name.

Meryl Streep is divorced from Alec Baldwin, but with three children, a college graduation and wedding-to-be it’s tough for him to be out of her life. Baldwin’s character realizes he wants to get back with Meryl just as she meets Steve Martin–the architect supervising an addition to her home.

Hit pause a second. We’ve got to talk.

I haven’t seen this much effortless affluence in a movie since Doris Day swooned over Rock Hudson. Streep lives on a multi-acre estate overlooking the Pacific in Santa Barbara. Her sole source of income seems to be an upscale bakery/coffee shop. Unless she’s baking up twenties there’s no way this could happen!

I know, it’s a movie. Buy the premise, buy the bit. Fine. We move on.

The story is sweet, clever and mainly well acted. It was edited with a meat cleaver.

Who gets the blame: cinematographer or editor? There were cutaway shots behind a person speaking… but his jaw isn’t moving (the shot’s from behind so you don’t see his lips). Maybe I’m too critical, but that injures a movie and reduces my enjoyment.

Good grief Meryl Streep is good. She is incredibly comfortable in her own skin. That serve her well. It just doesn’t seem like she’s acting! That’s how it’s supposed to be.

“She makes the people she works with better,” added Helaine as we did a postmortem on the way out of the theater.

Alec Baldwin, as the ex-husband, is a guy who seldom looks past his own needs. It’s not like he’s trying to hide that. To meet him is to know the only way he can be is needy.

I was a little disappointed by Steve Martin in a role in which he seemed self restrained. He is a favorite of mine, so this is not idle criticism. I’ve just seen him bring a lot more to a role.

There were no surprises, no out-of-the-blue plot twists, no unexpected drama. That’s part of the reason this movie works so well. It is clever without being gimmicky.

The three of us really enjoyed it.

The Chinese food? Well that goes without saying. The movie may change from year-to-year, but the restaurant is always Dynasty in North Haven. As always it was delicious.

Steve Martin’s Born Standing Up

My friend Howard, a show biz manager, says you should never meet the entertainers you admire. He’s probably right. I’d still like to meet Steve Martin, though I’m probably not capable of carrying it off.

Last week, after reading an article by Steve Martin in Smithsonian Magazine, I sent an email to my friend Farrell:

“I want to be Steve Martin… except for his unhappiness.”

He responded:

“He is a great writer, too. Be Geoff.”

Nice sentiment. I appreciated it. This is why you have friends.

I went on to write about Martin in the blog, leading regular reader Jim&#185 in Truckee, CA to comment:

Thanks for mentioning the Steve Martin article. I’m right in the middle of his latest book, Born Standing Up, A Comics Life. If you liked that article in the Smithsonian, you’ll enjoy the book…

Five minutes later I was on Amazon. The book came yesterday.

I can’t tell you why, but when I came home from work tonight, I sat down and read the book – the whole book. I could not stop.

My friend Howard, a show biz manager, says you should never meet the entertainers you admire. He’s probably right. I’d still like to meet Steve Martin, though I’m probably not capable of carrying it off.

We share nothing in our background. He came from a family with little warmth. My family heated our whole apartment building. He had the chutzpah to perform live. I did my comedy on the radio where I was well hidden.

We’ve learned many of the same lessons.

I find him bright and witty – a Renaissance man in a world filled with people who eschew knowledge or any historical perspective. He followed a complex route to get there. He wasn’t as smart or observant in his twenties as he is now in his (shudder) sixties.

It’s good to see age does have some payoff.

When stand-up was no longer satisfying, he stopped. He was huge. He just stopped.

At first I was not famous enough. then I was too famous, now I am just right.

Steve Martin’s “Born Standing Up is in hard cover.

&#185 – It should be noted, there are a bunch of regulars who comment on this blog from time-to-time. Jim in Truckee, for instance.

These are mostly people I don’t know.

I’m not sure why you’re here or what you find so compelling. I am flattered you find what I say interesting enough to come back on a steady basis and I’m always thrilled when you post a comment.

In real life, experience has shown the more you know me, the less scintillating I am.

Observations On Steve Martin

I spoke to my mom last night as I was heading home from work. She and my dad had watched a tribute to Steve Martin who won the “Mark Twain Prize” in Washington.

Until then, I’d never heard of the Mark Twain Prize.

From pbs.org: Upon learning that he had won the Mark Twain Prize, Martin remarked, “I think Mark Twain is a great guy, and I can’t wait to meet him.”

I’m dubious when this thing happens as your movie is coming out (Shopgirl). Remember when celebs used to go on TV with nothing to plug? We’ll give Martin the benefit of the doubt here, but don’t let it happen again.

PBS aired the ceremony and it really was star studded. Maybe the real question is, would this award exist at all if PBS wasn’t airing it?

My mom loved the show. I thought it was lackluster as I watched the 1-3 AM rerun. For some reason the clips didn’t excite me – and believe me, there were classic bits. Actually, there was one clip that did make me smile, Steve and Dave’s Gay Vacation, with David Letterman.

The highlight of the might was Larry David, who told a hysterical tale of he and Steve Martin in New York. It was classic Larry David.

The show got me to thinking more about Steve Martin. There are many TV performers and comedians whose work I see and then I say, “I’m as good as he is.” I’ve never said that with Steve Martin. He is far above and beyond anything I could do.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating, anytime he is on with Letterman, he prepares special material. Steve Martin could come on and just sit at the couch. He doesn’t. He works at doing something special every time. I appreciate that.

I believe (I base this on nothing but observation – I have no special insight) Steve Martin would like to get away from his wild and crazy guy past and be seen as an intellectual… a guy who collects art, reads a lot and writes in the New Yorker.

It’s going to be tough to shed that over-the-top persona. So many people who appreciated his physical comedy don’t get ‘intellectual.’

Steve Martin is one of our true comedic treasures. And, he really is an intellectual. I wish the tribute would have been worthy of all that talent.

Good Night, Good Luck, Not Good

In the Fox household we are democratic when it comes to seeing movies. Helaine and I take turns choosing which picture we’ll see. First, she’ll pick a great movie. Then I’ll pick something neither of us ends up liking.

That’s not how it’s supposed to work, but why lie?

Our choices today were Shopgirl, Steve Martin’s well reviewed adaptation of his very thin book, and Good Night and Good Luck. GN & GL was also very well received and has the celebrity cachet of George Clooney, producer.

We saw Good Night and Good Luck and both Helaine and I were disappointed.

It is a story I know well. In the mid-1950s Edward R. Murrow, the patron saint of broadcast news, took a moral stand (with the grudging backing of William S. Paley, who owned CBS) against Wisconsin’s Senator Joseph McCarthy.

No doubt, there are parallels to this story which are still applicable today.

It is inspiring to see someone with the courage of his convictions. I am not criticizing Murrow. We need modern day Murrows.

The problem is, I just found the movie ploddingly slow.

Yes, it was very stylish and beautifully shot in very stark black and white. There was more cigarette smoking than I’ve seen in a movie in a very long time – maybe ever! Did everyone smoke back then?

Dianne Reeves was featured prominently singing jazz for effect. She has a beautiful voice, but it slowed things down for me.

I’m glad I saw the movie… energized by it… but I wish I would have enjoyed it as much as I’m sure we would have enjoyed Shopgirl.

I did have an ulterior motive for seeing this movie where I saw it. There is a fairly new theater in Downtown New Haven: The Criterion. I wanted a chance to go, be supportive of New Haven business and see what had been built.

The theater itself is very nice. Our particular screening room was about 170 seats, well padded though not reclining. The sound system was excellent. I knew that just by listening to the music that preceded the show.

The problem is, going to New Haven added $6&#185 to our movie cost. We had to pay to park in the garage across the street. Seeing the same movie in North Haven or Orange would have eliminated that cost.

Parking validation anyone?

Having us in town was good for New Haven’s economy. After the movie, I talked Helaine into going to dinner. We headed up the block to the Temple Grill. Neither of us had been there before.

The dining area and bar in in the same room. We moved toward the back and sat down at a table set for four. While we decided what to get, our waitress brought a pail of warm (I assume freshly homemade) potato chips.

I ordered a Seafood Pie and Helaine got a Burger. The “pie” was really great with lots of tasty shrimp and scallops. I wouldn’t hesitate ordering it again. Helaine said her burger was OK.

So, that’s our exciting evening… and by 6:00 PM, we were on our way back home.

&#185 – Since Helaine gets AAA discount coupons to Showcase Cinemas, the savings out of New Haven are even greater. I just can’t hold that discount coupon against the Criterion.

The Oscars

All week long I watched as Matt Drudge tried his best to stir up controversy with this year’s Oscar host, Chris Rock. Even after Rock opened the show, getting a standing ovation (sort of shooting Drudge’s concerns in the foot) and then asking the audience to put their asses in their seats, Drudge felt compelled to rail again. The show was still in progress and he was going off on Rock!

The must be some sort of Drudge grudge at work here.

I’m a big Chris Rock fan and I thought his opening monologue was great. OK, maybe he hit Jude Law a little hard, but the rest was really funny and I laughed aloud though I was watching in a room by myself. Of course the very stuff I liked was creamed in USA Today and lambasted last night by one of my co-workers, who was not favorably impressed.

The rest of the show was watched by me in ‘collapsed’ form off the DVR.

It was a fairly lackluster telecast. I was disappointed there wasn’t more of Rock in his other appearances during the evening. He needed to do more than hit and run. There needed to be one or two more extended pieces with him. That being said, I hear the ratings were very, very good. So, obviously, I’m not as good a judge as I’d like to be.

I was touched by the acceptance speeches of Morgan Freeman, Hillary Swank (“I’m just a girl from a trailer park who had a dream”) and Jamie Foxx. Then, this morning on CNN Headline News, I heard someone say Foxx had given the virtually same acceptance speech at two other awards shows. That’s not right.

Winner of the “David Niven Funniest Ad Lib Award” went to Jeremy Irons. Chris Rock introduced him, as “comedy superstar,” to which Irons replied, “It’s so good to be recognized at last.”

Then, as he was delivering his nominations, a sound… something like a gunshot, rang out. Without missing a beat, Irons said, “I hope they missed.” His timing was perfect.

Last night’s taped pieces, including the Johnny Carson tribute and annual “death medley,’ weren’t as good as I wanted, or had come to expect from the Oscars. Whoopie Goldberg was used in the Carson package, but why not Billy Crystal and Steve Martin, two recent hosts who had a lot of contact with Johnny.

I was also stunned that “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” won an Oscar. As I had written last April, it was one of the worst movies I had ever seen. What were they thinking when they made it and voted on it?

What strikes me as most interesting as bout the show was the rise in the ratings this year even on a night where few movies produced any kind of passionate following.

I wonder if Billy Crystal will be back next year?

Johnny Carson

My friend Farrell just forwarded this to me from Variety:

BREAKING NEWS!

JOHNNY CARSON DIES

Former ‘Tonight Show’ host was 79

Johnny Carson, the “Tonight Show” TV host who served America a smooth nightcap of celebrity banter, droll comedy and heartland charm for 30 years, has died. He was 79. “Mr. Carson passed away peacefully early Sunday morning,” his nephew, Jeff Sotzing, told The Associated Press. “He was surrounded by his family, whose loss will be immeasurable. There will be no memorial service.”

Over the next 24 hours you will learn more about Johnny Carson than you ever knew before. There will be obits and documentaries all over TV and in print. I cannot begin to provide that detail and won’t attempt it. There are a few things I do want to say about Johnny.

I found it interesting that David Letterman, Steve Martin and other people of that ‘stature’ always referred to Johnny Carson as, “Mr. Carson.” In the beginning, I thought it was for effect. I later came to understand it was the best way for them to express their respect.

Without Johnny Carson there would have been no Letterman, Martin, Jay Leno, Joan Rivers or any number of comedians who made their mark on the Tonight Show.

I only saw Johnny perform once. It was in Las Vegas (I think – though it might have been Atlantic City… I’m just not sure). When he walked on stage – the first moment he walked on stage – he was already a hit. I found that remarkable. I have never seen another performer with that kind of presence.

I remember a part of the act where he talked about his childhood in the Midwest. He talked about ‘puberty,’ but pronounced it “poo-berty.” Back then I thought, and I still do now, his pronunciation was to make a point. He was speaking of sexuality and proclaiming innocence at the same time.

When Johnny Carson left the Tonight Show, he never looked back. He became a recluse, at least as far as TV was concerned. He made one or two minor appearances, but was never a headliner or even a performer.

He could have done anything he wanted to do. Any network… any syndicator… any cable outlet would have moved heaven and Earth to get Johnny on for what certainly would have been a major event. He had no desire. He had nothing to prove. I suppose he had everything to lose because major success had already been achieved and was now expected.

I give him credit for resisting the temptation, though I would have preferred he’d done something… just once.

Toward the end of his run on the Tonight Show, Johnny developed a habit that bothered me. The show would end and the band would play as the credits rolled. On set, Johnny would get up and walk off – while the cameras rolled and the audience watched. That was disrespectful to his audience.

It has been said, “The Golden Age is always in the past.” There will never be another Johnny Carson, with a show that so dominated its time period (a time period, at that time, populated by old movies and scratchy prints of re-runs). There will never be another venue so suited to launching careers, and successful in its execution.

It’s sad Johnny without saying goodbye. That is how he wanted it. I’m sure his opinion in this matter was in the minority.

Steve Martin on the Radio

As I left the house today, I turned on Talk of the Nation on NPR. It’s a show I listen to most days.

There seem to be two types of public radio – classical and other ‘non-mainstream’ music and non-confrontational talk (which separates it from Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and too many others to mention).

In this area, the ‘talking’ NPR is heard on two stations with very poor signals. One is on Long Island, far southeast of me. The other is very low powered though closer. I have buttons set for both and punch back and forth as the signals fade and distort.

On my way home from work I listen to BBC World Service news on these stations. Except for their Euro-centric sports coverage, I enjoy it and learn a lot about what’s going on in the world.

Back to this afternoon.

I turned on Talk of the Nation and heard a familiar voice speaking with the host, Neal Conan. I couldn’t place it. He was answering a question about how he describes himself and offered up his tax return (which he doesn’t personally prepare) probably says actor.

Who the heck was it?

The conversation continued and then I realized: Steve Martin. He was promoting the paperback release of his latest novella.

I find Steve Martin a very interesting person. His career has taken an unorthodox route to where it is now – yet at every point, I have found him incredibly entertaining. As he has gotten older (me too) I have found him to be intellectually interesting.

Today, on Talk of the Nation, Neal Conan played a few seconds of a cut from an earlier comedy album. I could feel Martin squirming in his seat – trying to get away from what was being played. It was the same when a caller asked when he would tour again. “Never.”

I understand how he feels. He is a different person from that “wild and crazy guy” He is not the banjo player who used to appear with an prank arrow through his head.

On the other hand, that is how we learned to like him. That is how we were originally attracted to his work. I know he’s changed. There’s no reason to run away from it.

A few years ago, in Las Vegas, we went to an exhibition of his art collection at the Bellagio Hotel. It didn’t take much to realize he’s well rounded and thoughtful.

I have seen a few of his movies. Helaine and I are both very big fans of “LA Story,” a movie which is to Los Angeles and Woody Allen’s Manhattan is to New York City. I guess after writing this, I should go out and get one of his novellas.

There’s one other part of Steve Martin that really impresses me, and I almost forgot to add it. Whenever he appears with Letterman, he prepares material. I’m not talking about re-hashing a stand-up routine, he writes absolutely fresh material. Sometimes it’s done live, sometimes it’s on tape, but it shows effort and a dedication to his craft. It’s always very funny – though that is secondary. I’m impressed with the effort, which shows a true respect for his audience and craft.

Today’s interview with Steve Martin is available on the Talk of the Nation website.