If I were 20, this probably wouldn’t be a way to find a hottie. Oatmeal is not cool. In fact, when breakfast comes up in conversation, and it often does, I’m given the once over because of my serial cereal addiction.
What is it about this creamy, yet bland, bowl filler that draws me in?
When people say it sticks to your ribs, they’re right. But oatmeal may be too sticky.
I see what it does to the pan it’s cooked in. Unless scraped immediately, or at the very least allowed to soak in soapy water, oatmeal takes on the properties of edible cement. The Grand Canyon would be nothing more than a trickling brook if the Colorado River had to carve its way through oatmeal. Millions of years are no match for rolled oats… whatever that is.
Most people think of oatmeal as a wintertime food. Not so. The cognoscenti eat it year round. On summer days, my body gives off visible light as the warm paste radiates from within. However, it’s never too hot nor too sweaty for oatmeal!
Have you looked at the guy on the oatmeal box… this alleged Quaker? He’s really a burned out freak, with long flowing hair, cowboy hat, and at least two chins. He looks like he’s getting ready to giggle. I think his pupils are dilated.
Is this guy really qualified to point me toward good health?
Helaine usually makes the oatmeal for me, but when she’s gone (as she is today), I’m left with ‘oatmeal kits,’ in pre-measured baggies. The last time someone gave me a pre-measured baggie was back in college and… I’m not talking, but it came from someone with hair similar to the dude on the box.
When people talk about comfort food, they’re talking about dishes from the oatmeal family, right? This is the closest you can get to mashed potatoes at 9:00 AM.
It is comforting. It is guilt free. It’s God’s perfect food.