Our New Grill: I Can’t Say The Adjective


We have a new grill. It’s pretty cool as grills go. Large cooktop surface. Side burner. Our home came with a gas stub to the California room, so no more gas bottles or charcoal.

Unfortunately, within the Fox family this grill is preceded by a seven letter adjective! You know the word. It’s based on everyone’s favorite four letter invective… which I won’t type.

It’s the ***king grill.

We bought the grill right around the time we closed on the house. We bought it at Lowe’s with our washer, dryer and refrigerator.

They came assembled. Not the ***king grill. It came as a ‘grill kit’, in a heavy cardboard box.

Granted, I am not a handy guy. However, is it asking too much for the assembly manual to have words?

There are none!

IMG-w1200-h1200When I spoke to a customer service rep, he said there are no words because it’s sold to people who speak many languages. You wouldn’t want to help one and shaft the others, right?

The rep enters this story because of the instruction diagram on the left. The two pieces which should be attached didn’t exist in my box of parts! After twenty minutes of frustration I phoned.

Those parts weren’t in my box because they’re not used in my grill! Surprise.

Little did I know an exclamation mark inside a triangle means disregard this instruction. I can’t be the only one fooled this way?

Of course the exclamation mark inside a triangle trick isn’t used consistently. That would be too easy.

IMG_0007-w1200-h1200A large piece stamped with a depression to accommodate a propane tank doesn’t have a triangle nearby. My natural gas unit has a flat version.

Neither is there an explanation why the instructions show vertical handles for a utility door. My unit has horizontal handles!

“Never again,” I said last time I assembled a grill. And yet, here I am!

Nothing on Lowe’s website or in the store made mention, “some assembly is required.”

The grill seems to work perfectly and fits into our outdoor space. We will enjoy using it–hopefully for many years.

However, to the Foxes it will never be the grill. It’s the ***king grill forever more.

18 thoughts on “Our New Grill: I Can’t Say The Adjective”

  1. That’s a great adjective, isn’t it?
    Good luck with your grill – I hope you have many years of enjoyment from it!

  2. I love the story, but find it even funnier that there is now a Lowes ad for gas grills courtesy of AdChoices right under the entry time stamp! I hope you have many years of good food from your new “king” grill!

  3. I’ve had a number of ***king grills in my lifetime, along with ***king TV stands, ***kids’ toy bikes, and 30 years ago, a ***king crib that my brother and I finally gave up on after six hours. He threw the directions out and said “let’s just do it.” RIIIIIIGHT!!!!

    P.S. The mental picture of this is a ***ing riot!!!

  4. And the great thing about putting together a gas grill is that nothing could possibly go wrong if you screwed it up. Right?

  5. Oh Geoff, I did so need the laugh ….(sorry it was at your expense)
    The image of smoke coming out of your ears…..priceless.

  6. Geoff…I bought one in April myself….if I could do it…so could you….however I do appreciate your choice of adjectives.. haha…enjoy…

  7. I dread those words to be assembled . I
    also dread when my husband puts anything
    together. My son bought him a grill for
    Father’s Day and it was fully assembled from
    Sears . It was a good quiet day

  8. It sounds like a video of you assembling the ***king grill could of been a YouTube comedy sensation! Gee, opportunity lost…..!! 😀

  9. Geoff,

    I won’t say a thing about the _____ ing grill…you’ve already “vented” on that, but I will say…..nice paving job in the California room!

  10. I bought my ***king grill at Home Depot, where they had free assembly. ***king awesome, enjoy your grill. You ***king earned it!

    1. FYI all — “Mike” is also our friend Mary and Bob and James and Mike (different email address), ad nauseum.

      He thinks, just because he’s in Maine, I don’t remember him.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *