What’s In Your Wallet?

About six months ago, Helaine bought a new wallet for me. Today, after she asked for the fiftieth time, I switched over. Having a ‘fresh’ wallet doesn’t seem to be a guy thing, but I’m willing to play along.

Every wallet I’ve ever had has been a black fold over affair. Not this time. We’ve gone brown. No consultation. I’m guessing I’ll still match… though don’t green and brown clash?

Over time the old wallet fatter – a repository of stuff I didn’t want to throw away. I think that was as much of a problem as the shabby exterior. On the other hand, cows were upset it was still being referred to as leather.

I pulled everything from the old wallet and put it on the kitchen counter. I only carry one credit card, plus an ATM card I’ve never used.

From my mid-winter poker trip to Atlantic City were three casino cards. They are credit card like in their shape and appearance. You can no longer play in a poker tournament without one. I have no idea why I carried them. They’re now gone.

There were also a few business cards from people I met and exchanged cards with. Except for one, the others have been disposed.

Insurance card, AFTRA card, FedEx, Southwest, AAA – gotta keep those.

I have about ten of my own business cards I keep in my wallet. We have nice cards at work – meaning they’re thick. Ten takes up a lot of space.

I had one bandage in the side pocket. It’s a very small round one, still in its wrapper. The wrapper itself had a tear, meaning it’s no longer sterile. I have no idea why I was carrying that. Gone.

I’m not sure why, but I always carry a single dollar bill behind my drivers license. I always have. It is not money meant to be spent. If there’s a superstition with this habit, I’ve lost sight of it over the years.

It’s very possible this particular Series 1995 bill has been sat on daily for the last 12+ years.

The joke is, guys in their late teens and early twenties carry condoms in their wallets, which leave noticeable circular impressions in the leather. I’m in my fifties. I carry Splenda.

I don’t just have a new wallet. I now have a slimmer butt!