Bruce Willis and Steven Segal are wimps.


Rambo 2008.

I joined it already in progress. Makes no difference.

Bruce Willis and Steven Segal are wimps.

Most violent movie I have ever seen–by far.

Woody–While He Still Speaks With The Little People

Holy crap–he’s in a movie with Steven Segal!

woody-hoyt.jpgMy friend Woody, sometimes seen commenting as Wudzy and legally named Elwood, recently went into semi-retirement in Santa Fe, NM. It’s a beautiful place.

Maybe Woody wasn’t ready to totally retire. He’s sent me his new listing from IMDB! As it turns out Santa Fe is an artist’s community and film production center.

Holy crap–he’s in a movie with Steven Segal!

Is There No More Broadcasting?

It’s Saturday and Helaine and I have lots of time to spend together. The weather outside is frightful with lots and lots of (correctly forecast) rain. This is a big day in front of the TV.

Here’s what I’ve rediscovered. Outside of primetime, we almost exclusively watch different TV channels.

I say rediscovered because I noticed this earlier with Steffie.

Helaine likes QVC and FoodTV with scattered sojourns to HGTV the ESPNs.. I mostly hit the news channels, documentary niche channels (all the Discovery digital services) and old movies (is Steven Segal on tonight?).

How will this affect the future of TV? We’ve already seen the disappearance of “specials” and variety shows. There’s not enough audience to justify the high cost.

Luckily there are still some shows we can watch together. Still, if TV gets sliced and diced too much, production values and content will follow. Yes, a thousand channels, but of what?

I Wanted To Like Rambo

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know I’m a sucker for one-man-army movies. Bruce Willis, Steven Segal, Arnold – it doesn’t make any difference.

There’s lots of cartoon violence and not a whole lot of plot. The villain is exquisitely mean. His hired minions are the world’s only well trained rent-a-cops. The movie culminates with that one scene where good and evil go one-on-one (I now swear off using hyphenated words for the rest of this entry), usually without weapons.

With those good times in mind I was thrilled to turn on the TV and see “Rambo – First Blood” was coming on. It was a movie I had never seen, though I knew the legend of John Rambo – few words, all action, good versus evil.

I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I am. Nothing that I wanted was here in this movie. In fact, with Brian Dennehy and Richard Crenna in the cast, I was hoping for a lot.

What I can’t figure is how they could make multiple sequels in this series. Seeing one was more than enough. Now, when does the next “Under Siege” movie air?

My Favorite Movie Genre

I’ll admit it. I really enjoy Steven Segal movies. Give me “Under Siege” any day… or the follow up, “Under Siege on a Train&#185.” The Bruce Willis ‘sweaty’ movies are right up there too.

I would never see these in a theater. These are TV movies, made to be enjoyed after work or on a weekend, when there’s nothing to do, or I’m trying to do nothing.

Tonight I stumbled upon another member of this fine movie family, “The Rock.”

There is virtually no difference between this and the previously mentioned movies, or dozens more like them. Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage are good, everyone else is bad. Sean and Nick are bulletproof, no one else is. Sean and Nick have unlimited stamina and the moves of a professional stuntman. They have the ability to kill the enemy in a very photogenic way.

Damn it was a great movie.

There is one point I need to make perfectly clear. Though I joke around about the formulaic, predictable nature of these films, I love them dearly.

&#185 – This is not the real name of this movie, but it makes no difference. It’s the same movie, moved from a ship to a train.

The Best Movie Ever Made

Having the DVR does open up some possibilities. Every once in a while I just scour the listings, looking for something to record. The software on my Comcast issued Scientific Atlanta box makes this a little more difficult than it should (reverting to your current time and channel each time you set a recording). It’s still worth doing.

Often, I record something and never watch it. Hey, that’s life.

Last night, after watching The Daily Show, I looked through the list to see what else had been saved for me. Near the top of the list I saw, “Under Siege.”

“Under Siege” is a classic ‘guy’ movie, starring Steven Segal, supported by Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey and the always inflated Erika Eleniak&#185.

The concept is (this will be the first time ever this is refered to as a concept picture) a disgruntled Gary Busey, the executive officer on board the soon-to-be-decomissioned USS Missouri, conspires with Tommy Lee Jones and his gang of evil doers to steal the Missouri’s contingent of nuclear weapons. First they have to neutralize the crew – often in the most violent of ways.

Of course there is one small thing they never planned for, Casey Ryback. Ryback was a Navy Seal and all around deep sea Rambo until he got busted for striking a superior officer. There’s not much detail, but the brief description given makes it seem like a patriotic, yet emotional outburst from a ‘real man.’ Now he’s a cook, finishing his 20 years in the Navy.

Is there any need to go into the details? There are a hundred other movies that are virtually the same. In fact, there’s another Segal movie, starring Eric Bogosian as the whacko evil doer, which would seem like plagarism if it weren’t from the same group.

There is something eerily attractive about this movie.

Busey and Tommy Lee Jones make great villains. This is espeically true of Jones who plays a psychotic who is genuinely off center in every way.

If I’ve seen this movie once, I’ve seen it a dozen times. And, if given the opportunity, I’d see it again tomorrow. It is a guilty pleasure, to be sure.

What is it that makes action movies like ‘Under Siege’ or nearly any submarine movie so appealing – especially to me a totally non-violent man? Is it somehow wired into my genes? I don’t know and I won’t attempt to fight it.

&#185 – It should be noted that though Erika Eleniak appears topless for a few brief seconds near the beginning of the movie, mostly she is dressed and shot in such a way that her physique is a non-factor… as difficult as that is to believe.

Die Hard

What is it about this genre of movie that I find so compelling? I would never pay $1 to see this in the theater, but Die Hard on TV… I’ll watch it every time it’s on (it’s on right now on Encore-West).

It is totally predictable, violent and trite. Again, I love it. I can’t help myself.

The only thing better than a Die Hard movie is Steven Segal’s Under Siege. Eric Bogosian as a terrorist! It just can’t be beat.

I’m sure this reveals some psychological weakness. I’ll live with it.