A friend in Madison, WI sent me an article from The Onion. “I Totally Called Yesterday’s Surge in Tech Stocks” is typical for The Onion (irreverent, intelligent and simultaneously filthy) except for the fact that it claims to be written by Geoffrey Fox!
I’m attaching the text (language alert) to the link below. However, the best way to read it is on The Onion’s site.
I Totally Called Yesterday’s Surge In Tech Stocks!
By Geoffrey Fox
You all think you’re hot shit because you guessed that the dollar would continue to slide against the euro, but answer me this: Who totally called yesterday’s 0.4 percent surge in technology stock valuations, in spite of their inflated P/E ratio? Who defied conventional wisdom and foresaw the late-afternoon rally after a morning of relatively tepid technology trading? Who is the fucking man? If you said “Geoffrey Fox,” you are correct.
It was yours truly, the NASDAQ maverick, the guru of guidance, the man who redefined outperform and reinvented rebound. Boo-ya!
Two days ago, I had a feeling in my gut. I said to myself, “Geoffrey, the technology sector will surge tomorrow. Contrary to many market indicators, the technology sector, buoyed by surprisingly strong Q1 profit reports from NVDA and SNDK, will show a distinct 0.4 to 0.8 percent surge tomorrow.” So what did I do? I went with my gut. And, as is often the case, my gut was right. Thanks for the check, NASDAQ. I’ll deposit that into the personal checking account of one Geoffrey Fucking Fox.
Do you hear the footsteps? Can you feel the hot breath on the back of your neck? Taste my exhaust, motherfucker. You’ve been Foxed!
I ca-zalled that tech-sector shit. While you were researching increased jobless claims and continuing market instability based on persistent consumer worries about U.S. food and drug safety, I was calling shit. Hello? Hello!
You chumps put the “anal” back in analyst. Me, I put the “back” back in “back the fuck up, and watch a master trader do his work.” Pop quiz: What percent change have we seen in the contract manufacturers’ technology sub-sector in Q1 to date? Do the year-over-year profit numbers from the wireless sub-sector add up to renewed industry growth? Do names like XM Radio, Nortel, and Flamel Technologies mean anything to you? Don’t answer. Here’s $5. Go get me a latt