The New Way to a Man’s Heart

Helaine and I have been married 20 years. Whenever that comes up in conversation, I say she’s going to kick me out any day now… as soon as she wises up. But, of course, I love her more today than the day we married and think the feeling is mutual.

I’m mentioning that to set the stage for what happened between me and another woman earlier today. It is as far as I would ever go with another woman, and I think Helaine understands.

I went to get my hair cut today. Before the clipping began, I had my hair shampooed. Oh!

When I was a barbershop kind of guy, years and years ago, I’d go in and they’d cut my hair. That was simple. Now, even though I’ve normally washed my hair myself within the hour, I take part in the shampoo ritual

A towel is wrapped across my shoulders. I lean back in the special hair wash chair. I insert my neck in the little notch cut into the hair wash sink (originally designed for guillotines, no doubt). I close my eyes.


Bernadette was in charge of my follicles today. First some hot water at needle strength through the nozzle. Then the shampoo. The Bernadette massaged it in with her nails. Did I say “Oh” yet? It deserves another – Oh!

As soon as she’s finished… as you begin withdrawal… more lather. She’s started over – following the lather, rinse, lather again, instructions.

If there is a better feeling you can get without being sexually involved, I haven’t found it. I might wear my hair like Michael Jordan’s if I could get a salon shampoo every day.

It used to be said, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach., No more. The way to a man’s heart is through his scalp.

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