Getting Ready For Rehab

My mom was a little more alert when my dad and I arrived a few hours ago.  She was in bed.  Her upper body was raised. 

Expectations are different now.  My mom is not the same person she was last year.  Alzheimer’s takes a toll.  Adding an infection to that made it worse.

As much as we try to be involved we are often in the dark.  Care is chopped into little pieces each administered by a different professional. If there is one person who knows everything we haven’t meet her!

My mom is being discharged this afternoon.  She is not ready to go home.  She will be transported to a rehab facility nearby with the hope she can be strengthened and trained to assist in her own care. 

She doesn’t have to do much. Standing is a goal. After rehab she’ll return home, but with assistance.

This is as much a strain on my father as my mom.  He has dedicated himself to her,  but it’s taking a toll.  Home aides will allow him to leave the house from time-to-time.  Right now he is isolated.

My plan is to return to Connecticut tomorrow and work Thursday.  When my mom returns home my sister will come down to help.

Over the past few days many of you have sent regards and advice.  I have been overwhelmed,  but have read every one.  Though I haven’t been able to personally respond I have taken advantage of your guidance. It’s been very helpful. My family thanks you for your help and sympathy.

This journey isn’t finished. My mom will have to buy in to the rehab which will be  difficult and physically taxing to a woman who is now physically weak.

Every day my mom is asked what day it is and where she is.  I’m not sure I could answer those questions today.

24 thoughts on “Getting Ready For Rehab”

  1. Your ‘former coworker’ and sweetheart probably has resources you haven’t even tapped! My ‘other mother’ suffered from Alz for nearly 20 years before her passing a few months ago. I’d be honored to walk for your mom too – if that’s ok with you. The Southwest Regional Dir., Alzheimer’s Association CT is pretty special! Sending you love and blessings – mj

  2. When a parent is in the hospital or rehab facility, it is also physically and mentally exhausting for the whole family. Ask, ask, ask questions…until you find the correct person(s) and get answers. You are in my thoughts.

  3. Hi Geoff, Would love to connect and support you if needed. Call our 24 hour helpline 800-272-3900 anytime, and I do think my new colleague would be happy to help.

  4. I’m very sorry you are going through this. It’s very frustrating and confusing…for all parties involved. It’s a sad time when we realize that our parents are no longer the rocks they once were. I am going through this with my mom now too and my husband lost his mother to the same disease. One piece of advice- your mom will always have someone care for her BUT your dad won’t. Please be sure to take care of him and not let his health slip away. It happens so often that the healthier spouse seems to ‘go’ first and everyone is in shock about it. Sorry to be blunt but it happens. My prayers are with you all.

  5. Glad your Mom is leaving the hospital….paradoxically … not the best place to get better….as a Hospice RN I can validate the statement from DW in regards to the spouse of the Patient succumbing to health issues prior to the Patient…your dad needs as much care and support as your Mom..usually “they” don’t see it that way…There are many support venues available…you know your Dad best and what might work for him, but as DW said “Take care of him…don’t let his health slip away”……”I’m fine, I don’t need any help” is not an acceptable response to “how is it going?” NO ONE can be on duty 24/7….trial and error may be needed to find the best scenario for Mom’s homecare, and truthfully there are some really wonderful people out there to assist…just keep looking, listening…..Thoughts and Prayers are with you…

  6. I have tears in my eyes because I know what you’re going through. It’s not easy and it never will be through the hospital stays, rehab, and returning home. Our parents get so stubborn as they age which makes it all the harder to now “parent” them.
    Keep an eye on your dad too and best thoughts and wishes for you all.

  7. I have found more help talking with the social workers on staff-I talk to Jane when I have a question or a problem with dad’s care and she’ll look right into it-Bless her!!! I also have the name and number of dad’s physician on staff and I love him-he will also call back within the day and answer any and all questions for me. He abides by our wishes too-if there’s something we want him to do or not do. Dad’s at the point where we want him to be comfortable but not on a lot of unnecessary meds or have a lot of treatments. Since then dad seems better-more alert and happy. I have my mom living here in an in law apartment (mom and dad have lived her for over 30 years) so can keep an eye on her. She could not deal with dad being home even tho at the beginning that’s all what we wanted-but know now it would not have been possible with mom being 87 and me-well, not being a spring chicken! Will continue to keep you and your family in our prayers.

  8. Geoff, that’s why I have been praying for your ALL, mother, father, sister and you because this kind of life event will wear you ALL out. I suspect your father needs the most help of all. God bless you for being a good son and for sharing you ups and downs!

  9. Geoff – I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. The social worker at any facility should be available to answer any questions you have or find out the answers to your questions. I am glad that your mom will have help at home when she is discharged from the facility because it’s so important for your dad to give himself some time off and to not feel guilty doing so! My sisters and I went through this years ago with our mom and just recently with our dad. The feelings of helplessness are there no matter the age or the stage. Best wishes to you all that the road, where ever it leads, is smooth.

  10. Geoff, it’s just so hard being so far away from your parents. My heart goes out to you and your family. God will take care of them, and she will gain her strength if we all think positively! My mom had surgery yesterday and she’s so frail I was so worried she wouldn’t make it. I just saw her this morning, and she’s doing ok, and I’m grateful. Nothing but good wishes your way!

  11. Geoff, My heartfelt best wishes go out to you, your Mom, your Dad, and your entire family as you all face this difficult challenge. Hopefully you knowing that you are doing all that you can and being the great son that you are will give you some comfort during this time. Just from seeing you on air, you seem like such a compassionate person who cares about and helps people and now it’s your turn to receive compassion and good wishes from others!! Again, my very best wishes to you and your family!!!

  12. Have you thought about bringing them both up here to live? That way you could be close by for both of them and I have to say I had a miserable experience with the Floridian medical community. Masonic in Wallingford has all sorts resources so does Gaylord and would be closer than Florida. I wish you the very best as I have lost both my parents and a husband in the last few years and none of it was easy.

  13. Dear Geoff, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, and also the hardship it puts on you and the whole family. My family’s thoughts are going out to you, and I hope your Dad will get the help he needs.

  14. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Geoff. I kinda know how you are doing as I left my mom back in Kansas City to move here to CT about 20 yrs ago. My mom’s health isn’t good….she has COPD, emphysema, and other health issues. Me, being the “good” son I am, left her all alone back in Kansas City, to move here to CT. Now, she’s all by herself there. Every time I call her, she says she’s doing fine, but how am I to know? This has left me with a severe guilty conscience for a LONG time. Anyway, please know that Annette and I are thinking of you and your family. Peace be with you…..


  15. Alzheimers seems to touch almost every family. It is such a difficult disease. A beloved aunt had it and her sons found a lovely rehab place up north. She sctually seemed happy there and could amuse herself for hours by sitting at a glass door watching the wildlife and plants. When it was necessary to move her to CT, she really lost ground. My point is that sometimes I think the patient is not as unhappy as the family unless we do something to upset the applecart.

  16. Geoff – I went through this with my Dad – it’s one of the hardest things a “child” can do – you’re right to ask and ask questions, but one thing to remember do not feel guilty – this is a common feeling when we can’t help our parents. Remember your Dad is having a hard time too and will need his family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  17. Continued good thoughts to you and your family. I’m about to jump on a plane 1st thing in the morning to go be with my 78-y,o. mom who is having an unexpected procedure on Thursday. Must be something in the alignment of the stars. I hope your mom does well in rehab and gets to go home soon.

  18. Wishing you the best with the care if your mom. I work in the home care field and know it is very important to have the right care for both your parents. That person that comes into your home has to be very patient with your mom but also your dad has to be comfortable with that person so at some point he will be able to leave your mothers side and have some time to take care of himself. As the disease process continues your mom won’t remember if he is there by her side or gone 5 min or 5 hours. Your mom will need patience and understanding and your dad will need comfort and support. And all thus will be difficult for you because of the long distance between you. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  19. Geoff, there’s not much I can add that hasn’t already been said but know that I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I’ve worked in health care and with the elderly for several years and there is never just one right answer. Alzheimer’s is a war of little battles; daily victories and defeats — it’s important to hold on to the victories. Your dad needs to stay involved and remember to take moments for himself. Promising to take care of the one you love doesn’t mean doing it alone!

  20. Be sure to ask if the nursing home she will eventually go to is equipted to handle alzehimers patients and what spacifically they do to care for these people. We took my brother to one and they said they do take them and are equipted to handle them. He was placed in with the general people and was wandering around and bothering some people by watching them. We got calls from the home about this. What can we do? We have no control over his actions and he doesn’t either. He finally was removed by the police because he struck a care worker when they were changing his clothes and brought to Yale for observation only to find he had a urinary track infection the nursing home overlooked. Be sure the home she eventually goes to is able to really handle Alzehimers patients.
    It’s a sad time in our lives when we have to go through this for our parents. Just keep an eye on your dad.

  21. My prayers are with you and your family,I am starting to forget a lot,and am afraid Of the possibilities God will watch over you and keep you strong

  22. I just read about your Mom.  Please know that I am keeping her, and your entire family, in earnest prayer. I’m praying that God provides strength, courage and peace to all. Blessings, Lisa 

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