Life Doesn’t Get Easier From Here

harold-betty-vintageI’ve spent a lot of time on the phone with my sister over the past few days. My mom slipped while moving between the sofa and her wheelchair. Any injuries associated with her fall seem minor, but nothing’s minor with my mom. Physical strength is a huge challenge for her.

She and my dad live in an assisted living place near my sister and family outside Milwaukee. Lifting isn’t one of the assists in assisted living. My mom sat on the floor while 9-1-1 was called.

She was probably sitting on her ankle. That’s my sister’s guess, because mom can no longer put any weight on her foot.

My mother has crossed a line. If you can’t stand on your own you are beyond the scope of assisted living.

It’s possible, with some rehab, she’ll be able to stand again. It’s not a certainty. My mom hasn’t embraced rehab in the past. Recuperation is hard, sometimes painful. It’s tough to put yourself in her shoes.

Neither Trudi nor I truly understanding our mom’s thoughts. My mom is confused. There are certain things which won’t get turned back. It’s a sad realization.

Helaine, Stef and I are heading out next week. This is the make-up trip for last week’s clust******k in Phoenix!

There’s a new baby (I will bring Clicky) and all my relatives, especially my folks. I like seeing my family.

I’m guessing life doesn’t get easier from here.

10 thoughts on “Life Doesn’t Get Easier From Here”

  1. Does the facility that your folks are in now, have a nursing home section?? Perhaps it would be possible for your dad to stay on in the apt and be able to visit with mom daily.
    Rehab with someone with your mom’s condition is tough, because they don’t understand WHY. Is she still able to stand on one leg. I can’t imagine an assisted living facilitly that doesn’t have aide assist with transfers, etc. When you consider the cost, there should be something of that nature. The less that your mom is moving around, the less communicative she will be. At least, she was able to attend the wedding (last spring??).
    You are right though, Geoff, it is not going to get easier. Will your dad be able to handle being separated from her, or will he too have to move to full assist.?

  2. So sorry, Geoff. Does she qualify for some rehab in a skilled facility? Check with her social worker from her assisted living facility. It may help get her stronger or at least they can evaluate her condition and make recommendations? Hugs and prayers for your mom.

  3. Geoff,

    I am so sorry to hear this. I went through it two years ago with my Mom. I am happy to hear you have a sister to help you with all that is ahead, because my brother passed away 3 years ago, and so the responsibility was all mine. Mom was put in assisted living at first but quickly was moved to the nursing home side once they said she hit a “plateau” and was no longer progressing. It’s scary when you realize life will never be the same. I lost Mom this passed March. I just kept reminding myself that she was there for me when I was a 6 month old little girl up for adoption 50 years ago, and it’s my turn to be there for her. Although I didn’t have the means to care for her at home, I did my best. And, you will too. You are not alone.

  4. Geoff:
    I’m sorry I wasn’t there this time to get her up. (With the way my back has been acting lately, I’m not going to be helping too many more times.) Tell your parents I’m thinking about the and praying for them.

  5. Yes, Geoff, it is hard to watch our parents fade away. My mother was in a nursing facility for two years before she passed July 25. My Dad was admitted to the hospital today for pneumonia. Bottom line – we want them to be healthy and live a very,very long time but..

  6. Geoff,
    A few comments back, you replied that your sister is pulling most of the load. While that is true, you are readily available to confer with her and support her in the decisions she is faced with. You are there for her, in both the good and bad times. Often that is not the case. Sometimes family members that live at a distance choose to ignore the cries of the one “stuck” with the care or have cut themselves off from their family.(and only show up when there are monies to be distributed. This will not happen in your family, as I see it. You and Helaine and Steph are ready to travel when needed, etc. So, while you are not always physically on the premises, you participate with decisions and have broad shoulders to lean on. This is important.
    I have a friend whose brother has died many years ago, and his family has gone on to other things. She,the daughter, is left with all of the decisions and it is Hard! Life isn’t going to get easier for your folks, or the rest of your family, but having someone to lean on for advise is important for each of you. So don’t be hard on yourself.

  7. Sorry to hear it. It’s tough when parents get old. I went through this a few years ago with both of mine. My mom went in for rehab and did well. My dad never got that far.
    The first thing to do is find out what’s wrong; could be a sprain or something relatively minor which would heal better and faster than a broken bone. Take it from there.
    Don’t know what else to say. Best of luck.

  8. Hi Geoff,
    So sorry to hear about Mom and her struggles. I know it is not easy. Please send my regards to your folks and know that I am thinking and sending good thoughts for her recovery. Stay well.


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