When A Parent Loses A Child

The voice I heard was emotionally spent. This was a conversation he’d had too many times over the last 24 hours.

A few days ago a friend of mine lost a child. His grown son, himself with a wife and three sons of his own, passed out on the family room floor and died.

No warning. He was alive… and then he was dead.

I called my friend this afternoon to offer Helaine and my condolences. It was a tough call to make. This friend has been in my life over 25 years.

He was a co-worker when I arrived in Connecticut. He’s a competitor now. He was the first person to visit us in the hospital when Steffie was born. He is someone I’ve always looked up to.

He answered the phone. The voice I heard was emotionally spent. This was a conversation he’d had too many times over the last 24 hours. I worried I was keeping him in his pain by calling.

Maybe not talking is best? How can you know? Is there anything really appropriate at a time like this?

They say a child dying before his parents is the cruelest fate you can be handed. I told him there was no way I could understand what he was going through but any time a friend is hurt Helaine and I are hurt too.

My friend and his wife are people of great religious faith. As I wrote when my friend Kevin passed away, the ability to trust there is a larger purpose we can’t see or understand must provide some comfort. I envy the faithful for the emotional cover it provides them.

The wake is Sunday. We will be there.

2 thoughts on “When A Parent Loses A Child”

  1. Geoff,

    Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children. While I personally have never lost a child, I can only imagine the pain it brings. When I was younger though, I lost friends, and the people I always felt the worst for were their parents. It’s never an easy tragedy to deal with (is there such a thing?)

    My prayers are with Al (I’m assuming that’s the friend here) and the rest of the family.

  2. Part of the discussion I’ve been having with friends is how we feel more sorry for the living than the deceased. I can’t tell you whether that’s right or wrong–it just is.

    I’m sure the Terzi family appreciates your prayers.

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